I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
