so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize