I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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