i just wanna soil my oats bro
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
