You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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