hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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