I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
