so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
