She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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