We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
