The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
