i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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