I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
