Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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