but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize