Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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