I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
