He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
