I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize