I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
