i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
