I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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