Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She tied me up with her honor cords...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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