Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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