whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize