sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
