You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
