I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
