Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
