I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
