Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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