When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
