How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
