Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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