she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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