So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
