There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
