I just pynch a tree in the face
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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