what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
