I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
