Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize