mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
