Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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