somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
