It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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