i permit you to call me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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