he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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