I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my poor anus
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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