Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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