First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There r osticjed everywhere
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
