I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
