Say something about gay babies.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
