Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
