So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I supernannyed him into submission
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
