Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
