thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
