just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
