i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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