Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize