It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
