Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
