she looked like the bat from fern gully.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize