she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
