Buhtt sex?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
