Welp...herpes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
