If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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