I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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