listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
