They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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