Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
