I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
