i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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