I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
