Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
