Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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