dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
