Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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