its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
