You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize