New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
