what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
