If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
