is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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