On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
