All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
