is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
