I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
