You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
